Joy, Tears, Laughter and Trials!

Being a mom is a wonderful roller coaster of joy, tears, laughter, and trials. It has been almost 5 weeks since Gianna was born and it has been quite the ride. I fall in love with her more each day. I just completed four days of being a single mom. Mr. F works 12 1/2 hour shifts so he gets home around 7:00 pm and goes to bed by 9:30 pm. He sleeps in our guest room because with his line of work he has to be rested. When I did the first four nights by myself I was a wreck. The benefit of his schedule though is that he is now off for three days in a row.

I am learing that many many moms can relate to my struggles with breast feeding. I like all moms desire to give me daughter the best start possible in life and for me that = breastfeeding. The problem is that when your child goes into the NICU for their first week of life things start of very backwards. To start Gianna was fed large amounts of formula (by bottle) because she needed to poop and get out the jaundice. When I did feed her they had me wear a nipple shield because they said my nipples were too flat. Today I know this was not really the case it is just something they hand out like candy to most new moms because it makes it easier for you to tubal feed your baby formula while they are latched on. I was also pumping at home while I was away from her and then again tubal feeding her my breast milk.

The reason why this has made things hard is that Gianna is used to getting her food very quickly and since she is so used to the nipple shield she get's mad when I don't use it. There have been times when I have fed her for an hour and a half with that dumb shield and she is still hungry afterwards. For the past two weeeks I have refused to use the nipple shield and have been doing a lot of pumping and bottle feeding. I do some breastfeeding but sometimes she get's so mad that it is not worth it. So my nights and days often consist of breastfeeding, bottle feeding and then pumping! This process is exhausting.

The other issue is that Gianna has stinky man farts and they are causing her pain. We are taking her to my chiropractor and he is helping her a ton. The use of the vacuum to get her out of me messed up her alignment and Dr. Shores says studies have found that most babies who deal with colic are out of alignment. He adjusted her on Friday and she was so peaceful and happy the rest of the day. Don't worry he does not crack her neck or back he uses a gentle tool that taps her bones into place.

I am working on getting Gianna as much breast milk as possible but I have to supplement with some formula. I just don't produce enough milk to support her needs. In the hospital she was on soy formula because I am lactose intollerant and I was afraid she might be also. I think this might be one of the causes of her gas. So as of 5 days ago she is only getting breastmilk and maybe 6 oz of Nutramgin a day. Yes, the super expensive stuff!

I have been given so much great advice and the thing that seems to be working the best is just trying to get her as much breast milk as possible. I feel like a cow pumping all the time but she is so worth it. I am so thankful for the friends and family who have encouraged me and helped me see that breastfeeding is not the end all. I just really like the idea of not having to pump, having her food with me at all times and not having to pay for formula. There is also something very special about connecting with her in this way. I am praying that once her gas get's under control and she is less colicky the breast feeding with improve but we will see. Every day I seem to have a new resolve based on how things are going and how tired I am.

So that is my new mom update! Sorry if this post was boring for most people. Here are some pictures of Gianna and her cousins.




Zachary and Cayden (born 10-10-08)
Cayden Edward Maguire 10-10-08, 10lbs 11 oz (my sisters son)

Cayden and Gianna

Question for all Blogmamas

Hi Ladies,

Gianna has her nights and days mixed up. She is up every night from 10:00 to 1:30 am. Crying fussing and so on. Any suggestions on how to get her to sleep at night and not some much during the day? Or is this just the way it is with a newborn?

Random Stuff

First I want to say thank you to all the people who left me comments on my last blog. It was so encouraging to hear your stories, your words of wisdom and to know I am not alone. In the midst of sleep deprivation and anxiety it feels so good to be heard.


Random Story #1:
My week started off really rough. On Sunday night I had a really bad tooth ache. The weird thing is that it was in a tooth that I have had root canaled twice and had four crowns put on. So there are no nerves which makes having a tooth ache quite odd. So on Monday I went to the dentist at 2:00 and he told me that he tought I should go see the endodontist. So I headed over to him. He took an xray and told me he tought I had a cracked root and at this point I should just have the tooth pulled. Well, I had not eaten much that day because of the tooth pain and was of course very tired and missing Gianna. So I then went down stairs to an oral surgeon and had my tooth pulled. It was the worst experience and one that I have always had a major fear of.

Random #2: Has anyone watched the DVD or read the book"The Happiest Baby on the Block?" I got it in the mail yesterday and have had success with his techniques for calming a crying baby. I am hoping it will spill over into tonight and that she will sleep really well because of it.

The Delivery and the NICU

Okay so this blog is much over due... This is the story of Gianna's birth. Please forgive the typos and mass grammatical errors that you will soon encounter as I am tired and typing with Gianna sleeping on the my brest friend that is strapped around my lap.

On Saturday I had braxton hicks all days long and was starting to loose my MP. Then on Monday 9-15-08 I woke up at 4:40 am with a really bad contraction but after it passed I was able to go back to sleep. I woke up again at 7:19 with another contraction and told Mr.F I thought my labor was starting. He got out the stop watch and we started to time them. After a while I was tired of being timed and wanted to take a break. Frank decided he ought to leave and hook up with his friend who was going to check and make sure we put the car seat base in correctly.

I decided while he was gone to call my OB and see what he said. I told him how far apart they were and the pain level. He told me I needed to wait until they got worse and then call him. About an hour later (5:30 pm) the pain level had really increased and we called my OB again. He suggested we meet him down at the hospital. Driving in the car was really not fun. All I can say is the contractions were similar to having really bad menstrual cramps. All I wanted to do was sit on the toilet so I could get some relief.

After we arrived at the hospital a nurse came in and checked me to see how far I was dilated. This was an awful experience. I had no idea how badly it would hurt to be checked or how far they would shove their hand up there! Worst of all she told me I was only 1 cm dilated. Kind of embarrassing since I was in so much pain. About an hour later my OB arrived and he also checked me. This time I could not stop the tears the pain was just too much. The good news was that I was 3 cm and 90% effaced.

So he told me I could either go home and he would give me a sleeping pill or I could stay here and get an epidural. I am sure you can guess that I chose to stay and get the meds. I was pretty nervous about getting the epidural but it was no big deal. I was lucky that I had the head of anesthesiology there to give it to me. From there it was all a waiting game. At about 2:00 am my water broke and I was fully dilated. I pushed for an hour to no avail. Turns out she was sideways. Not sunny side up but sideways. So my ob had me wait and had them have me lay on my side and then switch every 1/2 hour to see if she would move. By 7:00 when he showed up she still had not moved. So he had me start pushing while he tried to get her to turn. Finally after 2 hours of pushing he had to use the vacuum. I was so bummed because I did not want her head pulled like that. But the reason he had to was because I spike a 102.9 fever! So after using the vacuum he was able to pull her into the birth canal and then I pushed her out.

It was so amazing because I got to actually pull her out and put her up on my stomach. I was crying so hard I could barely even see her. My mom and Mr.F's mom were both hugging and crying while they looked at her. She was born at 9:24 am 7lbs 6 oz and 20" long. The nurse who helped deliver her was amazing (she was actually nurse of the year) and of course my OB was fantastic. I think most other OBs would have done a c-section but thankfully I did not have to. He was so patient and we did all kind of techniques for pushing that midwives use.

So now the info on why she went into the NICU.

1. She could not maintain her body temperature it kept on dropping - sign of infection

2. She is B positive and I am O positive blood type - because of my long labor our bloods mixed and my blood formed antibodies to fight off her blood. So she had antibodies fighting off her B blood

3. She was cumms positive for jaundice

4. She had a big hematoma on the back of her head - collection of blood in between her scull and skin.

All of these factors meant she needed to be on Antibiotics via a IV and spend time under the lights. When they took her to the NICU it was the worst moment for me. I just sat and cried. That night in the hospital Mr. F and I sat and cried together.

Over all the experience in the NICU was really great for what it was. The nurses were super sweet and caring. They taught us a lot and I also had visits with a lactation consultant daily. We had to leave the hospital on Friday so we stayed at my parents house the remainder of the days and went to the hospital early and came home late. Gianna did 7 days of antibiotics and on Tuesday 9-23 we took her home. Before we left we went into the healing garden at the hospital with our families and my Dad dedicated her to God. It was very special time to share with our parents.

I still need to write about what it's been like since we got home but I am all blogged out for now. I will say that breastfeeding has been sooooooooooo hard. Taking a baby home from the NICU makes BF 10x worse. The reason is that to get rid of jaundice they have to get them to poop so they feed them tons. So when you take them home it is so hard to train them to only BF and not expect so much food without any work (IE a bottle). Today is a good day but almost every night I have the fall aparts. I have an amazing lactation consultant that I am emailing with daily who is helping me make it through this transition.

Thanks for reading this really really long post. Jewels